Funny Phrases About Christmas. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven. "My advice for a 21-year-old: Donât drink and vote." Funny Christmas card sayings - drop some clever quips and crazy cards on your wacky, warped, fun-loving friends. The Joke Game is the EASIEST way to have a hilarious party. Merry Christmas! I know you are grouchy, but I wish your Christmas to be merry! – Matt Groening, “You better watch out, You better not cry, Better not pout, I’m telling you why Santa Claus is coming to town.” – Haven Gillespie, “Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.” – Phyllis Diller, “Sending Christmas cards is a good way to let your friends and family know that you think they’re worth the price of a stamp.” – Melanie White, “Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live.” – Dennis Miller, “Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases.” – Bridger Winegar, “Even before Christmas has said Hello, it’s saying ‘Buy Buy’.” – Robert Paul, “Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. The season has finally come for every husband in the world to go broke from being rich finally. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.- Larry WildeNothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.- Kin HubbardThere are 17 more shopping days until Christmas. Yep, Christmas is ripe for comedy, and that’s great news if you’re looking for funny things to write in a Christmas card. Now, I’m waiting for Santa’s reply. Feeling sorry yet? Without Jesus, no Christmas. Funny Christmas Day captions. I havenât taken my Christmas lights down. Injoy! Needless to […] It's the one game where EVERYBODY gets to be a comedian! Merry Christmas to all the beautiful wives out there. They look so nice on the pumpkin.- Winston Spear, Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.- Andy BorowitzChristmas is a state of mind and that special feeling that only comes with an empty bank account.- Melanie WhiteThis holiday season, no matter what your religion is, please take a moment to reflect on why itâs better than all the other ones.- Guy Endore KaiserMail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.- Johnny CarsonI donât mind fruitcakes. If she gives you a gift that requires batteries, she wraps the batteries separately, which to me is very close to being a symptom of mental illness.- Dave BarryA Christmas miracle is when your family doesnât get into a single argument all day.- Melanie WhiteIâve never really understood why Jews go out for Chinese food on Christmas Eve, but I think itâs because so many Chinese restaurants have the word âtempleâ in their names.- Dan Zevin, Sending Christmas cards is a good way to let your friends and family know that you think theyâre worth the price of a stamp.- Melanie White, The principal advantage of the non-parental lifestyle is that on Christmas Eve you need not be struck dumb by the three most terrifying words that the government allows to be printed on any product: âSome assembly required.â- John Leo, The amount of time and energy we spend putting up and taking down holiday decorations tells me our 'top of the food chain' claim is invalid.- Linda in Disguise â@LindaInDisguise The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven't seen for twenty minutes.- Julius Sharpe â@juliussharpe Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. Enjoy Funny Christmas Quotes and Sayings and clean Xmas Jokes for all the Christmas season. Enjoy! Tabi is a viral content producer and social media strategist who always come up with interesting and unique ideas!!! Merry Christmas! If you’re looking for something on the humorous side, you could always go with a funny Christmas message or a festive pun.For a do-it-yourselfer, Christmas is truly the gift that keeps on giving. Walking In A Winter Wonderland. The reason why everyone makes wishes every Christmas is that no one’s wish ever comes true! Sending your way, a bundle of warm wishes and good luck on this holiday. Merry Christmas to you! 6. Santa Clause exists, and he has to work during the holidays. Tabi. Use it to inspire word walls, word searches, puzzles, Hangman and Bingo games, crafts, worksheets, story starters, creative writing word banks, and a variety of elementary lesson plans in almost any subject. I hope when Santa comes at midnight, he brings you wrapped in a box as my Christmas gift! This is Xmas day for you! Merry Christmas! Funny Christmas card sayings. Christmas may well be a season to celebrate for you, but for me, it means trying my ass off to save every single penny I earned this year and make it through to the next year. Let’s drink till we start admitting our sins to each other and then sober up realizing we don’t remember anything from last night. Dec 8, 2016 - Dear Santa, All I want for Xmas is my own island where I won't have to deal with stupid people! Quotes, Family. I think Santa must ride a plane instead of a sleigh so that he can reach me faster. Just kidding. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.” – Larry Wilde, “What I like about Christmas is that you can make people forget the past with the present.” – Don Marquis, “Christmas is like candy; it slowly melts in your mouth sweetening every taste bud, making you wish it could last forever.” – Richelle Goodrich, “Santa Claus has the right idea – visit people only once a year.” – Victor Borge, “One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas Day. See more ideas about christmas jokes, christmas humor, funny. You are too young to go to a club and have a drink and too old to expect gifts from Santa. Even Santa would bully you this for being so fat! Enjoy your holiday and feel the magic of Christmas this year. I tried to hard to make Santa believe that you’ve been good throughout the year. Merry Christmas and a happy New Year, With all the best of food and beer! Use them for your custom holiday outfit, or pass them along your social networks to friends you know need a good laugh. Visit people only once a year.”. Below is a list of 65 Cool Funny Christmas Sayings | Short funny Christmas Sayings to keep you Laughing until the new year. Admit it: While Christmas should be a time for family and earnest reflection, some of the most memorable traditions are a breeding ground for comedy. So, I told him to search for your name on his handsome list. “Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.”. These are the coronavirus slang words that have been coined so far. Unauthorized copying protected by Copyscape. An informal term that stands for or means something else than its literal meaning; a shorter way to say a word or phrase And funny election quotes, MilkSnort grab your loved one smile of chocolates idea of getting into the festive is. Decorations come down, according to UK traditions and loved ones decoration there asked me what i for! 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